I am not relaxed. At all.
I just walked in the door from my first outdoor ride on my tri bike. I fell while I was still in the bike room with only one foot clipped in. I don't even know how it happened. I immediately thought...I guess I didn't loosen the pedal tension as much as I thought I did...and I hope no one was watching that on a security camera.
I fixed the tension and then took the bike out on the road for 26 miles. I went this afternoon to avoid rush hour traffic, but from 1-3 PM I didn't avoid traffic in general. Except for early mornings, there are ALWAYS cars on the road around here. During the ride I VOWED to move WAY out of the city ASAP. Then, of course, I couldn't commute by bike, etc. etc...but I was not enjoying myself for much of this ride.
I was wobbly even when I wasn't aero. (Maybe b/c the tri bike is tinier and more compact?) I kept forgetting that my shifters are on the aerobars. And lets not forget of course the @#^%$#&^ pedals. I don't like them. They are too hard to clip out of. They should make women's pedals that are easier to clip out of. It occurred to me that maybe the pedals ARE actually unisex b/c you can adjust the tension through a very wide range, but I found it hard to believe that I am weaker than every other cyclist in the entire world.
I kept having flashbacks to the day I learned how to ride my bike when I was 6 years old. My Dad taught me in the morning. In the afternoon I was 1/4 of a mile away at my friend's house and I was trying to ride my bike home. I couldn't get started. I skinned my knee. I was teary-eyed. My neighbors were asking me if I wanted them to get my parents. I said, "I'm fine. I'm okay." I kept trying. And then I got started and biked home.
And now I can ride a bicycle.
I had that same feeling today of being really bad at biking to the point of unhappiness. The feeling I had was a little bit of fear b/c I didn't feel in as much control as I usually do (and now I see why tri bikes aren't allowed in group rides) and there is so much traffic anywhere near here. After 20 miles I started to feel a little better but I was super glad to get home. I only hope the suckiness of this too passes with time and practice.
Other notes are that I kept forgetting that this bike has two big gear rings and not three like my road bike. I also kept chanting in my head, "Switch gears before you get into trouble." That's something my Dad taught me when we were riding up hills when I was a kid. Except for commuting, there is not a single ride I don't chant that in my head at some (or many) points.